Not just a miscarriage.

Today would have been my due date. Of course I highly doubt I would have made it this far as I have only made it to my due date once and that was with my first but why am I even going there? That is neither here nor there; the baby was not meant to be. However, that doesn't make the pain of the loss any less. A friend who had a similar experience told me recently that she didn't like the label of "miscarriage" because we actually LOST a baby. A baby died. Babies we both wanted.

Instead I am going to be a grandmother :) And life goes on. I hope to be a wonderful grandmother and I want my grandchildren to KNOW me and I want to know them.

And I am so thankful I have been able to spend more time with my children these last few months. They are amazing people and I am so very proud of each of them.

I've also had the opportunity to meet some pretty great moms lately. Where my older kids take supplemental classes there are several activities that Rae and I have gotten involved in. Many of us have similar interests and our lives revolve around our families and I find that VERY refreshing. I am many years older than several of these moms and I hope to be an encouragement to them as they have chosen to stay home in a world that generally negates that choice. And yet they will not regret it. I want to be what many were to me, a supporter.

On a sad note, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a mastectomy and now they've found more cancer in a lymph node. It is a very aggressive form, too, and I am so very worried about her. This is my Dad's oldest sister. Life is short, no time to waste.