Saturday, September 13, 2008

Okay, I am crying so I thought I would write in the hopes that I would feel better. I am so, so, so sad that I lost the baby. My due date would be any minute now (since I always go early). I was officially due on the 27th of September. I see pregnant women, little children, young mommies with children and I am mostly okay. Not, not today. I wanted that baby. If you do not know, it was in my tube and my tube was about to rupture. I kept convincing myself (with a little help from my ultrasound tech who also thought she saw the "halo" making it an embryo)....that it was in the RIGHT place so every other day we went for blood work and ultrasounds and then one day the cramps started....I KNEW because almost a year before the same thing had happened. That time it had been a complete miscarriage and we never knew exactly where it was. We were suspicious that it was in my tube. This time it WAS in my tube and I had started to hemorrhage. Surgery was necessary and my only tube and my (last?) little baby were both gone forever.

Cherish your little ones. I know I am IMMENSELY blessed (or lucky, whatever your word of preference is) and yet I am so miserable today.

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